I've been plagued with some pretty off the wall, disturbing dreams lately. It doesn't seem to matter how much sleep I get or don't get; they're there. When I wake up, I typically can't recall many details, but I can recall the disturbing feelings that they leave me with. Disturbed, uncomfortable feelings. Feelings that something is not right. Once I wake up, I realize that they were just dreams, but they seem so real at the time, and they unortunately stay with me for some time. Popping into my head just often enough to keep me a little distracted, and to be honest, worried. Not about anything that I can put my finger on, but worried that maybe I have some unresolved feelings or issues that I need to address, but don't know how to or haven't recognized yet.
The past few nights I've had dreams that make no sense, and I can't remember enough of them to put anything together; I just remember very vague bits and pieces. What I am really good at recalling is the very uncomfortable feelings I'm left with, and a sense that something just isn't right.
I am very lucky to have a friend who is patient and very undersatnding to how these dreams really get to me. She even offered to attempt to interpret them for me. She is a great example of everything a Christian should be, and that shows through in how she interpreted my dreams. The specifics that I do remember from my dreams are that (from two nights ago) I was in a castle that was embedded in a very high wall, and I had to jump from the castle, which would result in my death. Very morbid, I know. Not only that, but I had to make a decision as to who would jump or die with me. I can't be sure that the dream meant that we would both die, or if just the other person would die, but it was very disturbing. There was much more to the dream, but not much really comes to mind other than the really terrible feelings associated with the whole thing. My sweet friend interpreted this to possible mean that the castle was my home, but I feel stuck, and I feel like I can't do anything right without messing up. She also said that it may mean that I feel like any decision that I make will mean a severance or loss of some kind. I feel trapped by feelings that I have and worry that if I don't cut them off, or deal with them, them may hurt someone or hurt a relationship by killing it (it being the other person in my dream).
Wow! These are pretty much exactly the things that go through my mind when I'm in a very introspective mood or am feeling sort of down on something, a situation, a person... I just never thought that it would be so clear in my dream, and it wasn't clear until I heard her analysis of my dream. Spot on in regards to things I worry about.
That was only one dream. Last night I had another troubling dream. I remember fewer specifics about this one though. I recall that I was somewhere unfamiliar, but with people that I know and care about, but I was making mistakes. These were moral mistakes, but I don't recall exactly what they were. They weren't mistakes like putting something in the wrong place, or forgetting to call someone back. In my dream, I felt so out of place, and nothing felt right or okay. There was just this overwhelming sense of "not right." And again, my sweet, insightful friend helped me look at what this dream could mean. She said that I was in an unfamiliar location because it symbolized some unknown territory for me that I was not at peace with. Not sure what this unfamiliar territory is, but I have a few ideas, and I will certainly pray about it and hope for clarity and understanding. But I was in this place with people I love. I don't remember who they were. Maybe family or friends? I don't know if the underlying message is that I'm not at peace with a relationship with someone, or if the underlying meaning is that these people will help me find peace in this place (certainly hoping for the latter).
So, there was so much help in her analysis. Still so many unanswered questions, and I hate to read too much into my dreams, but when they are laid out like that, with possible explanations that make sense, it is hard not to think that our subconscious is telling us something important while we dream. I've got plenty to think about, but I have a feeling that a weight has been lifted because I have a better idea of how I should look at my dreams.
If you find that you have troubling dreams, and if they tend to stay with you for some time, look into them more closely. Get the opinion of someone you trust, who you have faith in... We can learn a lot from the thoughts of others who truly care and believe that God may be using dreams to communicate to us. Don't let dreams scare you. Embrace the lessons you can learn from them. That's what I'm trying to do.
And, thank you, sweet Jenn. You're an amazing person.
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